自我介绍写作 Self-introduction
● 原文
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My Self Introduction
Hello, I'm Ou Yang Zhen . I come from Hunan, a major agricultural province and a rice production base in China. I'm used to having rice three meals a day, which is why I still find wheaten food such as mantou and noodles hard to swallow although I have lived in Beijing for almost 15 years.
I remember that the original purpose for which I came to Beijing was to seek knowledge as many of you do now. But several years later, I found the outside world more tempting than the campus where I studied on, so I decided to drop out school. Then I began to work in some small companies, most of which dealing with culture and education business, for example, language skill training and publication. When I thought my work experience was enough for me to start my own business, I quit my last job.
At first my little company ran successfully, but later on the competition became more and more fierce and it eventually went bankrupt between 2005 and 2006! During that period, I got married and then my little daughter was born. She was so lovely an angel that she brought much happiness to my family. Now she is a primary school girl and does well in her class. She's the dearest gift I have ever received from God!
After closing my company, I managed to find a job at a publishing house. Only then did I realize that how hastily and shortsightedly I had made the decision to drop out from university. For an editor in a publishing house, just experience is not enough — he needs knowledge of various subjects. The more knowledgeable he is, the more he can do. So I decided to come here, to BLCU, to study with you.
As the oldest one in the class, I got the nickname “Mr. Uncle”. I like it, because it is true and also because I love you. You are all so young, so lovely and lively, and I always feel young again among you!
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【标题大小写错误】
Self-Introduction。标题中除了介词、冠词、并列连词(and, but, or, nor, yet, for, so等)之外,其余单词(包括合成词的前后单词)的首字母要大些。
【专有名词错误】
应改为Ouyang Zhen,注意姓和名字第一个字母分别大写。名字拼写在一起,姓和名之间有空格。
【时态用法欠妥】
用have been living。现在完成进行时,表示过去开始的动作一直持续到现在,并仍然会持续下去。如:I have been writing this book for over three years.这本书我写了3年了。(隐含的意思:我还在继续写。)
【中式表达】
可以改为go to college或者further my education
【句法错误】
应该改为them;或者把dealing改为dealt
【短语使用错误】
应该为 such as;如果是for example,后面应该只有一个例子。
【写作规则】
注意在写作中尽量用完整形式is,也要避免其他类似的缩略格式。
【句法错误】
that在这里是多余的。
【介词用法错误】
可以改为staying with you。

● 教师点评
1. 这是一篇“自我介绍”的短文,一般要求包含自己的姓名、年龄、来自哪里等,同时选择性介绍自己的家人、学习经历、工作情况、爱好及其他有意思的经历,目的是让读者对你有一个概括但特别的印象。
2. 本文用词较为准确,尤其是一些短语动词(如deal with, drop out)的使用。
3. 语言较为朴实,能够用自己有限的词汇尽量清晰地表达自己真实的意思。
4. 句子的多样性体现较为明显,尤其是一些定语从句的使用。
5. 句子中时态把握较好,尤其是一些不规则动词的变位掌握较为牢固。
6. 画线的语句值得我们学习。