议论文写作 Argumentative Writing
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Topic: Should Private Cars Be Encouraged in China?
Thesis: Some people start to consider the advantages and disadvantages of this situation. Different people have different opinions. Some people think that private cars offer people convenience, while others belive that people should not be encouraged to buy private cars. As far as I am concerned, I think private cars have more disadvantages than advantages.
Outline:
Ⅰ. I think private cars have more disadvantages than advantages, so should not be encouraged in China.
Ⅱ. Automobile exhaust contains many poisonous gases, which are very harmful to our health.
Ⅲ. Private cars can be a formidable threat to the traffic.
Ⅳ. There is not much space left in large cities for the private cars.

Ⅴ.We should limit the number of private cars to create a harmonious society and a healthy way of living.
Should Private Cars Be Encouraged in China?
With the rapid development of economy in China, more and more people own their private cars. As the number of cars increasing sharply, especially in the past decade, problems have been brought about, such as air pollution, traffic jam in rush hours, big or small automobile accidents here and there. People start to consider whether it is good to have his own cars. Some people think that private cars make life more convenience , others believe that private cars should not be encouraged. As far as I concerned , I think owning private cars have more disadvantages rather than advantages.
First of all, as everyone knows, the air pollution has been very serious. Automobile exhaust contain many poisonous gases, and it is very harmful to our health. Second, private cars can be a formidable threat to the already-very-bad traffic. Can you imagine when the large numbers of private cars rush onto the street? If no effective measures are taken, people will spend much more time and energy on their way to work. And what’s more, too many private cars may cause more traffic accidents. As a result, the situation will be worsened and eventually people become victims of it. Next, parking will be another problem since there is not many space left in a large city. A report published by the MIT media lab states, “in congested urban areas, about 40% of total gasoline use is in cars looking for parking.”
So I think it is impractical to encourage private cars in China. We should limit the number of private cars; instead, we should encourage people to go out in a greener way. The government should put in more money in the development of public transportation system, and advocate people to take a bus or the subway when they go out. Where there is green out , there is green life.
返回原文
【主题论述过于复杂】
主题论述最好是一两句话,说明本文的主旨。
【提纲问题】
这三点因为同属于一部分,所以应该放在一起,统归为第2部分。
【分词使用错误】
应该为increases;或者将前面的as改为with。
【代词错误】
应该是their,指代前面的people。
【词性错误】
应该是convenient。
【逗号错误】
应该加一个连词,如while或but。
【表达错误】
应该是as far as I am concerned。
【主谓不一致】
应该用contains。
【短语错误】
应该是a large number of或large numbers of。
【搭配错误】
energy不能用作spend的宾语,所以应该删掉。注意不要受汉语意思影响,否则会出现很多中式英语表达。
【表达不连贯】
应该是more people。
【修饰词错误】
应该是much,因为space是不可数名词。
【中式表达】
改为green travel。

● 教师点评
本文需要注意的地方有以下几点:
1. Thesis只要一两句话表达即可,不能说得太多,也不能介绍太多背景信息。
2. Outline在作文写作中是必须的,分为两种,一种是标题式提纲,一种是句子式提纲。本文用的是句子式提纲。不管用什么提纲,都要统一,尽量不要混用。
3. 本文是一个命题议论文,这种作文一般有两种观点,让你选择一点进行论述,需要有理有据。这类作文一般采用三部分(不见得是三段话)来写。字数一般要求在200词-300词。
4. 第一段简单论述,然后亮明自己明确的观点,既不能不说自己的观点,也不能两方面都支持。不要超过50词。
5. 中间部分最好分为几点来写,并且这几点要分清主次,主要的先说,次要的后说。这几点可以放在一段,也可以分别分为几段。这是本文主要的部分,字数一般要求100-150词。很好的一点是这一部分最后一句话借用了数据,这是我们需要借鉴的写作方法。
6. 最后一段是总结,既要对开始一段话中自己的观点有所呼应(注意不要重复第一段的语句),还要最好简单提出新的观点、新的建议。如本文在最后一方面要建议政府大力发展公交系统,还要呼吁人们多乘公交车出行,低碳生活。
7. 画线部分是我们应该学习的语句。